Immediately after a break up, the strong desire is usually there to get back with your ex. This is particularly so if you were the one who was dumped.

Everybody is different, but common feelings are those of depression. There are some things you can do at this stage, to try to get your ex back. Some things help, but some things will drive your ex away more.

Sometimes the advice you get is to follow your heart. To do what your instincts tell you. Now, I am certainly not here to try to tell you what to do. You must make up your own mind, and then live with your actions.

However, my advice, which you can take or leave, is to consider doing exactly the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do for a period of time. Listen, before discounting what I’m saying.

Perhaps you feel like calling your ex to talk things through. Perhaps you feel, because you are depressed, that you should stay inside all day and stay away from people because you are not good company and you don’t want to bother your friends. No and No.

Instead, consider the following:

This is really a break up. It might not be what you want to happen, but things have moved beyond that point, and it is happening. Ultimately you might be able to get back with your ex, but for now you need to simply accept that you are in the middle of a break up.

Whether or not you reconcile, you need to go through the process of accepting that things have come to this point. You also need to allow your ex to go through the same process. If both of you go through this process, and realize that there is something worth saving, then you will both be in the right frame of mind to attempt reconciliation. I cannot stress enough that there is great benefit to going through that mental process, and doing it while separated from your ex. It is the time to ponder alternatives. For now, you must reconcile yourself with what is going on. At that juncture it is the time to consider future moves.

It is better to have a period of time without communication. Let us face facts. You broke up as a result of past communications. The future will have to be different if you want to achieve your goal to get back with your ex. Stay away and don’t communicate – at least for a cooling-off period.

Get out with your friends. You can tell your true friends hos you feel, and lean on them, relax, and try to enjoy their company. People who are depressed all the time are not attractive. But everybody understands that their friends go through times when they need support. I believe we all have many acquaintances, and some of those are good friends. This is the time to find out who your real friends are. You will find that some are “fair weather” friends, who are only there for you when times are good and you are fun to be around. But you will also find out who your true friends are. These are the ones who are there to support you in bad times as well as good times. Value this information, because it is a two way process. These are the people who you should do everything to support and help also. At times like this, you really do find out who is a genuine friend, and who is not. But it is invaluable to know. Lean on them now, and savor their true friendship. And take a note of the “fair weather” friends also.

So you see that you can put the terrible time immediately after a break up to good use. Spend the time to accept the current situation, discover your real friends, and refresh your mind. That gives you a solid foundation to getting back on track.

The author operates a Get Your Ex Back resource website.

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