Many of us have considered whether we would absolutely leave our love relationship in light of an affair. Cut and dry consequences can make the rules and consequences within a relationship very easy. At other times they can actually make things very complicated. An affair is not only destructive to the relationship, but it can be destructive to the partner that has remained faithful. Going through all of the potential solutions can be maddening. Don’t rush, but know that you have choices that are your own.

It’s terrible when you know exactly who it is and yet feel so powerless to do anything about it. She’s that woman that has a Master’s degree in flirting with everyone, their gender and age irrelevant. She wears that stunning office fashion jewelry and she has a body to die for. She has cast her spell and your partner has fallen for it.

Depression is easy to slip into when you find out your partner is having an affair. An extreme depression can mean that you simply stop trying to attract positive attention from your cheating partner. Things like doing your hair, taking the time to apply make up, winter time dry skin care, facial care, and even keeping up with the laundry can be overwhelming. It can seem like putting any effort forward can be considered a huge waste of time.

Of course the kids are confused. They seem to be down to one parent. The baby has no bond with his second parent. You take care of the kids, from bath time to bed time to everything in between. With the double electric breast pump sitting off to the side, you’re reminded that you had intended on sharing as much of the nursing experience as possible with your partner. But that is no more.

Fear is a pretty big obstacle when making a real decision about what to do. Leaving might be a reasonable option. Trying to regain your partner’s attention might be a reasonable option. You vacillate back and forth trying to come up with the best approach only to find that you are just frustrated, hurt, and scared. It’s unsettling to have no idea where your future might end up.

Some couples have simple rules. If you cheat it’s over. Other couples have less defined rules that leave some wiggle room in how you react to such a mess. The one thing you might be battling is fear. It can be frightening to feel as though someone else has taken away your sense of security. You’re willing to be all in, and then your partner and the affair threaten to destroy your sense of belonging in your own home. Yet being afraid to strike out on your own can be literally paralyzing.

Making your own decision is the ultimate power. Making sure that you are deciding exactly what is best for you and your kids is your way of making sure that you end up with the control of your emotions as well as control over your future.

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Filed under: Divorce

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