What is the major reason for marital infidelity?

The cause of an illicit affair whether sexual in character or simple infatuation with another person can more often than not be traced back to some unsatisfied emotional or physical need in a marriage. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a result, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

These are the main reasons/excuses given by most people for being involved in an extramarital affair:

1. Our communication differences are making our marriage unmanageable.
2. I just gave into temptation.
3. No intimacy (or very little) in my marriage.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me particularly after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I found that my ex is still interested in me so we picked up on our relationship.
6. Business takes me out of the city a lot and a person has certain needs!
7. My spouse suffers from a painful health condition and is unable to meet my needs for intimacy.

Some of the above may be irresolvable. However If both parties to the marriage have decided that they are resolute about surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their marriage  then serious thought needs to be given to several factors, for example:

  • If the innocent partner has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to determine whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transfer of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
  • The question of trust also needs to be given careful thought. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
  • Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will definitely remain faithful in the future?
  • Careful thought needs to be given to involving a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that there is really a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite grueling for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the problems associated with this serious matter on their own.

If you are the innocent party and are really interested in forgiving your partner, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be light on the horizon if:

  • Your partner voluntarily confessed to the affair to you.
  • They are open under questioning about it.
  • They have told you that they are extremely regretful for having strayed.
  • They have agreed to end all contact with the other party.
  • They have agreed to take part in counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the conclusion of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the inclination to repair your relationship then marriage reconciliation is entirely possible.

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