Do you feel that everyday conflicts are becoming increasingly hard to deal with?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s see why this idea of “winner” and “looser” is at the heart of this constant escalation of arguments…

There may be some reasons that justifies the idea of “winning” over an argument, instead of looking a an issue to be resolved together.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

The problem is when it only about “winning” you will see the opponent as someone that has to be defeated, transforming the person you love into an ‘enemy’.

The battle scenario would look like this:

  1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
  2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
  3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
  4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
  5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

  • Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
  • Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
    Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
  • If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
  • Unresolved confrontations can lead to more tension in the relationship.
  • Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

Now if your repeat this scenario over and over, the value of your relationship will decrease with each round..

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

 

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