My parents have been divorced a total of 4 times. Having step-parents who go on to marry again results in unusual step-step parent connections. There have been ‘amicable’ divorces, ‘apathetic’ divorces, and ‘loud angry fights in the front yard’ divorces in my life. I managed to survive each one. though none of them were at all pleasant. I will describe my own experiences so that you or your child will hopefully see that divorce is as much a new beginning as it is an end.

Firstly, there aren’t such things as amicable divorces. No body is so amicable with their spouse that they would like to be divorced. Acknowledging this tension and lack of being in love was one of the hardest things I ever saw my mother do. Accepting absence of love doesn’t equal hate was a difficult lesson to learn. It is too common nowadays that individuals come to hate one another instead of acknowledging that they are simply no longer in love and are able to move on with an amicable divorce. This type is usually caused by some sort of rift that people can forgive one another for, but not forget. An amicable divorce is very comparable to another type of divorce that I will discuss: the apathetic divorce.

Apathetic divorce is also a scary and sensitive issue. A child who is witnessing a marriage coming to a sad end is frequently also a child who believes the marriage’s demise is their fault. In my personal experience, this particular type of divorce is the toughest to cope with. You can see your parents grow apart, and no cuteness, good behavior, or good grades will bring back the spark. It’s essential that you explain to the child that sometimes relationships don’t work out and people go their seperate ways and it’s no ones fault.

The third type of divorce, while it seems most damaging is probably the easiest type I had to deal with. Although the issues were difficult and left their mark, they were at least not hidden away, festering and threatening to explode. It’s axiomatic that waiting for a disaster is much harder than picking up after one. Keep your children uninvolved in any arguments, but make sure that they understand the reason that people face divorce, if the rift is caused by any sort of abuse, this must be discussed and shown to be unhealthy behavior.

Each child is going to handle divorce differently. In spite of my upbringing was done in hardly the perfect atomic family, I become adaptable to changes in my life as that fluidity helped me a lot.
When parents try to stay together and pretend everything is ok, rare are the children fooled. Children often pick up on conflict even before the parents admit tensions to themselves.

Support groups or therapy can be helpful. I was able to go visit friends, spend time with extended family, and be very active in my church and extracurricular activities as a means of keeping my life steady. The ability to take a break from the constant worry caused by divorce is just as important for the children involved as the parents.

Ultimately, this is the outcome of the experiences of myself, my siblings and my family members who have survived divorce relatively intact. As long as you put your children’s interests first, there is no single correct way to deal with trauma. Remember that no one wants to have their marriage fail, and the guilt you feel may be being felt by your children as well. We should be open with them, rather than stress them with our approach. Your life keeps going beyond divorce but it makes you feel that you have nothing left in life for you.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can find out about my experience as an top Austin TX divorce lawyer. You should also watch the online video on divorce in Austin at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Divorce doesn’t have to be a disaster. Learn how a collaborative divorce lawyer in Austin TX can help you through family law issues with dignity.

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